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Glossary entry

French term or phrase:

dessinent un bateau mordant

English translation:

help / make the boat slice through the sea

Added to glossary by claude-andrew
Dec 9, 2011 10:38
12 yrs ago
French term

dessinent un bateau mordant

French to English Marketing Ships, Sailing, Maritime sailing boat publicity
I'm stuck on suitable phrasing; "I've started with "Fifteen metres of sleek lines ..."

Quinze mètres de lignes fuselées, que rien ne vient accidenter, **dessinent un bateau mordant**.

Picture:

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=289326891111342&set=p...
Proposed translations (English)
3 help / make the boat slice through the sea
3 +1 give the boat a dynamic design
3 drawing a sharp edged boat
2 +1 represent a splendid boat
3 result in an extremely sleek machine

Discussion

Nikki Scott-Despaigne Dec 9, 2011:
looks like this is a piece for which you are going to have to take a step back and write in your way in order to render a coherent whole. It's not badly written, just that this context in French can get away with being more over the top than English can. For the techie stuff, there are a number of folk on ProZ who are familiar with the vocab. Don't hesitate!
claude-andrew (asker) Dec 9, 2011:
Setting the tone Just to set the tone and give you an idea of what I'm up against (NB I'm not asking for help here ... yet):
Dans l’esprit des courbes et des matières d’Aureus XV, dans l’exigence semblable de raffinement, de qualité et de pureté, Aureus propose une ligne de meubles et d’accessoires qui contribue à parfaire une nouvelle esthétique et une expérience de plaisir intense.
Imaginée par les designers XX et YY, cette collection décline des pièces insolites qui témoignent d’une élégance nostalgique et d’un goût affirmé, parfois contre les tendances consensuelles d’aujourd’hui, comme ce meuble de rangement de disques vinyle, bijou d’ingéniosité et de style.
claude-andrew (asker) Dec 9, 2011:
@Nikki Too right, Nikki - here we have the double whammy of specialised vocab. and publicity hype. Well, I have till 9h00 Monday morning with only an opera and a watercolour exhibition this weekend to distract me. Ideas welcome - thanks to you and everybody so far.
Nikki Scott-Despaigne Dec 9, 2011:
@ Kashew Hmm, only the Asker can decide on that one. I find it a bit too hey-ho for a thoroughbred 50-footer myself but it's a matter of style and personal choice!
kashew Dec 9, 2011:
@ Nikki: Would vivacious/vivacity work then?
Nikki Scott-Despaigne Dec 9, 2011:
Smiles I'm used to all that Kashew as I worked as translator/interpreter for the organisation (not the website) on the last three Vendée Globes races together with a number of the participants. As I said in my comment to Karen's answer, "mordant" conveys the idea of cutting the waves, sometimes, but is much more for the general description of how a yacht handles. It is in fact closer to the idea of lively, spirited, punchy etc., a general performance thing. Unless the context is specifically for a "étrave perce-vague", and there is nothing to suggest that here, then you can be quite free with the translation of "mordant" in such contexts.
kashew Dec 9, 2011:
Compare it with this context: "A l'époque de Vendée Globe 1996-1997 cet open 60 était le dernier plan Finot Conq a être lancé. PRB 85 bénéficiait de des recherches engendrées les années antérieures autour du monde, par ses architectes bien sûr mais aussi par Marc Pinta, le constructeur rochelais qui a réalisé ce magnifique bateau, et par Isabelle Autissier elle même. Elle a été la première à installer une quille pivotante sur ce type de voilier. Résultat, une luge large, légère et puissante, très proche des engins de Parlier ou Auguin, mais configuré selon les choix de son skipper, sa façon de naviguer, sa philosophie de la mer.

La quille pivotante qui peut basculer à environ 35° sur chaque bord étant plus reculée que sur les autres 60 pieds, deux dérives latérales installées sur l'avant sont chargées de redonner du **mordant** à un bateau formidablement à l'aise au débridé, d'autant que des ballasts permettent de jouer à volonté sur son assiette. Des les premiers milles Isabelle a été impressionnée et ravie par le potentiel de son nouveau PRB.

Ecureuil Poitou Charente, son ancien voilier était d'après elle un bateau encore assez féminin. Le nouveau PRB est plus masculin, puissant et teigneux...
Nikki Scott-Despaigne Dec 9, 2011:
Hmm, they've not had the translator in mind when drafting this piece, have they?!
vivacité...silhouette...fuselées...épure...éllégance...no wondering why in England boats are referred to as 'she'. Surprised the French don't! ;-). Theyv'e not helped with the Aerus XV, whereas there is a tendency in France also to use feet, Aerus 50. XV makes me think of rugby!
Thanks for the more complete context. I'll give more thought to my suggestion now.
claude-andrew (asker) Dec 9, 2011:
@Nikki Complete para:
EXTERIEUR
Une élégante vivacité pourrait définir la silhouette d’Aureus XV. Quinze mètres de lignes fuselées, que rien ne vient accidenter, dessinent un bateau mordant. Une épure des lignes que l’on doit beaucoup à l’émancipation volontaire des contraintes de jauge. Cette élégance résonne aussi en termes de confort et d’ergonomie. La grande hauteur de franc bord offre un beau volume d’habitation intérieure et le pont dégagé de bout offre une sécurité et une aisance de déplacement. Toutes les manœuvres sont ainsi effectuées depuis le poste de barre et pour ceux qui ne sont pas à la tâche, un généreux bain de soleil à l’arrière offre un bel espace de détente.

Thanks for your help Nikki
Nikki Scott-Despaigne Dec 9, 2011:
Is the chap mentionned, in La Rochelle, the son of the people who have the Poncin Yachts company in the south?
Bourth (X) Dec 9, 2011:
Wow! With that description I was expecting something that looked rather less like a .... boat, and a nondescript one at that!

Proposed translations

4 hrs
Selected

help / make the boat slice through the sea

'Slicing' picks up on the idea of 'mordant', and 'slicing through the sea' is found fairly often in descriptions of ships. Just an idea...
Reference:

http://www.caborey.com/

http://www.7blueseas.com/cruises/cruisedetail.asp?cruise=CU-QM2-ET-6-STN-NYC-001

Peer comment(s):
neutral kashew : I've seen "wave-cutter" used.
1 hr
neutral Nikki Scott-Despaigne : "Slice" soudns odd to my easr, but then I may have odd ears. Wave-cutting, yes, for "perce-vagues" but I'd argue that "mordant" includes this but more.
1 hr
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thanks Karen - I adapted it to "help the boat to slice through the waves""
24 mins

drawing a sharp edged boat

Difficile... Maybe "sharp edged" (after "a sharp edged sense of humour", qui signifie bien "un humour mordant, ou acéré")...

Thanks for any comment.
Something went wrong...
+1
27 mins

represent a splendid boat

sketch the outlines of a splendid boat

portray
Peer comment(s):
agree Alistair Ian Spearing Ortiz
6 mins
Something went wrong...
+1
36 mins

give the boat a dynamic design

Now for a high-powered speedboat, I would probably talk about a boat with a bit of bite, or even a snappy design, but having looked at the picture, I think you may be on the safer side here focusing on the dynamic look of the yacht.

http://www.boatguideweb.com/makes/azimut/flybridge-range/48/
In the Flybridge Range, the dynamic design and powerful architecture of the 48 seem to drive the yacht forward even when not under way, while the volumes traced by its sleek, athletic lines are extraordinarily large.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 48 mins (2011-12-09 11:26:29 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Would "a cutting-edge design" be pushing the boat out too far?
Peer comment(s):
agree piazza d
5 hrs
Thank you piazza
Something went wrong...
1 hr

result in an extremely sleek machine

I'd like to have the sentence before and after to see how this might run together. This sort of sentence, which is elegant bla bla, needs to be well bolstered up on either side if it to avoid being ridiculous in English.

Fifty feet of uninterrupted lines result in an extremely sleek machine.

There are zillions ways of translating this, rolling the ideas together. By the way, you have to use feet and not metres when describing boats.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 hrs (2011-12-09 13:19:21 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I'd run two sentence into one here, the one in your question with the one that follows, to give something along these lines, no pun intended :

"Fifty feet of pure uninterrupted pure lines for a racy machine, owing largely to the voluntary emancipation of the constraints of the measurement rule."

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 hrs (2011-12-09 13:20:07 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Sorry, I shifte "pure" and forgot to srub the original position, thus :

Fifty feet of pure uninterrupted lines for a racy machine, owing largely to the voluntary emancipation of the constraints of the measurement rule.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 hrs (2011-12-09 13:22:04 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Or even :

Fifty feet of pure uninterrupted lines, producing a thoroughbred machine, enabled by the voluntary emancipation of the constraints of the measurement rule.
Something went wrong...
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