Glossary entry

French term or phrase:

notre marque a envie de vous révéler de nouveaux plaisirs

English translation:

Today, we unveil a world of new delights, inviting you to yield to the sensual pleasures of our

Added to glossary by Lara Barnett
Aug 16, 2013 13:27
10 yrs ago
1 viewer *
French term

notre marque a envie de vous révéler de nouveaux plaisirs

French to English Marketing Cosmetics, Beauty Christmas letter to customers
This beauty product letter contains a paragraph as so:

"Aujourd’hui, notre marque a envie de vous révéler de nouveaux plaisirs en vous faisant découvrir les plus belles sources d’émotions et d’évasions avec les créations parfumées [Name of perfume line]."

I am sure that a literal translation would sound a bit odd. So does anyone have any ideas?

Discussion

writeaway Aug 16, 2013:
Literal translations rarely work in marketing texts. The main skills required are to understand the message and then be able to swing it into something that sounds like natural marketing speak in the target language.
Lara Barnett (asker) Aug 16, 2013:
@ Writeaway I think it should be clear that I have suggested a literal translation, but am not happy with that. A literal translation would be:
"Our brand would like to reveal to you some new pleasures".
writeaway Aug 16, 2013:
Is there a specific problem or do you want people's ideas for the entire phrase. What do you have so far? Any ideas you've already rejected? It would be helpful if you'd add some of your own input and not just wait for ideas to pour in.

Proposed translations

+1
4 hrs
French term (edited): Aujourd’hui, notre marque a envie de vous révéler de nouveaux plaisirs en vous faisant découvrir les
Selected

Today, we unveil a world of new delights, inviting you to yield to the sensual pleasures of our

Continued: (name of brand) creations.

Literal translations lose the 'feel' of the original, it's better to translate the feeling itself than the exact words
Peer comment(s):

agree GILLES MEUNIER
14 hrs
neutral writeaway : if this actually fits in with the rest of Asker's "translation". this suggestion has a very specific register/style and would only work if the rest of the English text has the same flowery 'feel'.
15 hrs
true, thanks
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4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
25 mins

We wish to delight you further

... for instance.
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2 hrs

bring a whole new level of pleasure

"Our wish today is to bring [you] a whole new level of pleasure..."
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+1
3 hrs

We'd like to tell you about some exciting new fragrances

You shouldn't even attempt to stay close to the French in a text like this: all you can do is to convey as many of the ideas as possible, but make it sound English. For the same reason, I wouldn't use words like "emotions" or "escape" in the second half of the sentence.

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Note added at 3 hrs (2013-08-16 16:38:04 GMT)
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Kévin's idea of "a whole new level of pleasure" is good, and might be useful in the second half of the sentence, which wasn't included in your question.
Peer comment(s):

agree Jennifer White : Yes, this is just right IMO
1 day 17 hrs
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