Damien Lacroix Jan 5, 2011:

I agree that the phonetic association mote/note is significant, but I wouldn't call it a pun, as I am not even sure it is deliberate on the author's part. Moreover, the narrator is not clearly associating motes and notes either. So I would say the phonetic association is just another layer, but that shouldn't be rendered too explicitly. I'm afraid it will be lost (unless someone finds a means to introduce a meaningful assonance in the translation). So I personally would trust the paratactic syntax alone to convey the association, or use other elements of the text to create new associations (see my suggestion below).

FX Fraipont (X) Jan 5, 2011:

Wise words from Damien - The problem is that the English "mote" is just one letter away from the music (note) - if you remove that vital clue, the French reader is left .. well, clueless. I don't think the visuals of the scene are enough to conjure up the music.

Sheila Wilson Jan 5, 2011:

That's extremely erudite, Damien! Whatever the author meant, I'm sure he'd agree with that. :-) Now, as an English to French translator, how would you help your French readers?

Damien Lacroix Jan 5, 2011:

Syntactical Ambiguity & Over-translation I think those dust motes could be acting at two different levels. Like Sheila and Tony, I think the dust motes are definitely part of the setting, and a visual perception of the narrator (the following segment is about what he can hear). But like FX, I also think that they are associated to what comes before (what's in his mind; music) through the syntactical construction: the segment "in my mind" can be associated to the "old songs" (previous segment) or to the "dust motes" (following segment) because of the peculiar punctuation which is relevant to the "stream of consciousness" style. But I think all the suggestions are over-translated, because they transform this syntactical ambiguity into a lexical explanation. Let's give the French reader the possibility to freely associate the different segments, just like in the source text!

Sheila Wilson Jan 5, 2011:

Rule # 2 : answer the question Which was: what's the translation of "dust motes". Sure, in this context the Asker will need to link this with "whirling". La poussière tourbillante? I rarely propose French answers as I'm not bilingual. I only peruse this pair to see if there are any misunderstandings of the source term.

FX Fraipont (X) Jan 5, 2011:

Rule # 1 in exegesis : stick to the text While you are right in your definition of "dust mote", what we have to deal with in this particular extract are "whirling dust motes", thus definitely the moving kind.

Sheila Wilson Jan 5, 2011:

It's a lack of obligation, FX It CAN whirl, after all dust is very light so if there's a draught, it will whirl in it. But it doesn't have to: it CAN also be stationary. My Oxford gives mote=speck (origin DE mot, rel. to DU mot dust, sawdust). It can mean one speck or a whole load of specks joined together. Synonyms for dust mote are dustball; dust bunny

FX Fraipont (X) Jan 5, 2011:

@ Sheila Just when I thought you were going to lay down your arms ;-)
How do you reconcile "A dust mote doesn't have to be moving at all " and "whirling dust motes"?

Sheila Wilson Jan 5, 2011:

One last try having slept on it :-) I'm worried you're translating "dust devil" (tourbillon) rather than "dust mote" which is just the dust in the air seen in a shaft of sunlight or in those lumps found under the sofa and behind things if you don't hoover regularly. A dust mote doesn't have to be moving at all - that's why I don't see any connection to music, 60s or otherwise.

Sheila Wilson Jan 4, 2011:

Ah well! No, I'm not convinced, but neither am I going to convince others, so I'll just give a good Gallic shrug. :-)

CBY (asker) Jan 4, 2011:

Well Sheila, I understand it the way Fraipont does and I just wanted other opinions because of course there are no references. It is just a feeling...
Thanks to you all !

FX Fraipont (X) Jan 4, 2011:

Jesus Christ, Sheila, there are no Google "references" for literature analysis. This is all about playing with words, meanings, letters, free association. I can see I'm not going to convince you :-)

Sheila Wilson Jan 4, 2011:

References, FX? If you can find just one reference anywhere, ever to "dust motes" having been used either as a metaphor for music or as a pun on notes, then I'll happily go along with this possibility

FX Fraipont (X) Jan 4, 2011:

notes "old songs from the 60s that replay, over and over. in my mind. The whirling dust motes. The sounds from the hall; sometimes a patient crying."
Literature students analyzing this passage could not help noticing that everything in the passage revolves around sound : the want for music, the remnants of the 60s tunes in his/her head, the sound from the hall, the cries of the patient.
I would be very surprised if the writer meant the "dust motes" to be purely visual in such a passage. On top of it, the whirling motes/notes match the 60s tunes playing incessantly in his/her mind perfectly.

Tony M Jan 4, 2011:

Sounds like they're bored... ...and in the stultifying stillness, about the only thing that moves is the dust particles glinting in the sunlight... I don't think it's really anything literally to do with the music, but more associated with the imagery that follows of the setting in which this person finds themselves.

Sheila Wilson Jan 4, 2011:

Ok, it's a patient But I still think the text uses dust motes in its literal sense. If there's a ray of light coming through the window, you can see these particles of dust in the air. As a patient, there's very little to do but look at them and listen to what's in your head.

CBY (asker) Jan 4, 2011:

No... the person is not a cleaner, but a patient.
I think that dust refers to "old" and concerns the music form the 60ies.

Sheila Wilson Jan 4, 2011:

OK I don't think the dust motes (as everyone says, that's poussière in some form) has anything directly to do with the music, nor is it a pun. Is this person now a cleaner? I suspect (s)he's cleaning in a hospital, making dust fly and hearing all the old tunes in his/her head.

CBY (asker) Jan 4, 2011:

Effectivement, Fraipont j'en suis aux particules de poussière (il n'a que ça à faire)

CBY (asker) Jan 4, 2011:

voilà tout le paragraphe No more music, since then. Except what’s in my mind. The old songs from the 60s that replay, over and over. in mMy mind. The whirling dust motes. The sounds from the hall; sometimes a patient crying.

FX Fraipont (X) Jan 4, 2011:

pun mote/note particules de poussière / notes de musique

Sheila Wilson Jan 4, 2011:

La phrase précédente, SVP I think it may well tie in with something in the previous sentence (or in the last few).