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foisonnement

Glossary entry

French term or phrase:

fardeau

English translation:

Rewrite

Added to glossary by Lara Barnett
Jan 3 14:46
4 mos ago
61 viewers *
French term

fardeau

French to English Marketing Marketing / Market Research Advertisement
I have translated a marketing text, which plays on the word "fardeau", against the model/brand name, which sounds exactly the same when spoken, but is spelt differently (ending "...do".
I used the term "burden" to replace fardeau, although I was quite loose in most of the other marketing terminology, hot words and phrasing, given the marketing requirement. The client has come back complaining that I should have been looser in my translation of the "fardeau" word-play areas, given that the English readership would not understand the playing together of these terms.
The overall text described the ways that the product (a wrist watch) can ease the burdens (fardeau) of our lives. The entire text plays these two terms together (i.e. the identical sounds of the "brand name" and "fardeau")
I have suggested that a transcreation expert or English copywriter be used to re-write this text, but in the meantime, are there any good equivalent word plays I could use here? (or should I just tell client it is inappropriate for a translator to re-write marketing copy)...?
Proposed translations (English)
4 +2 Rewrite
3 +2 For peace of mind on the go, you've got your XX-do / Stay calm on the go, you've got your XX-do.
4 load
3 fast-forward to Fa-do; (rewind) the Heavy Hand(s) of Fate
References
comment

Discussion

David Hayes Jan 5:
Happy to oblige, Lara. I guess my two cents' worth will be seen more easily in the answers section.
Lara Barnett (asker) Jan 5:
@ David Yep, you are right, are you posting this as an answer - would be helpful if you did.
David Hayes Jan 5:
Rewrite I wouldn't get too bogged down in all that 'fardeau' stuff. It's just a 'clever' connection that works in French but not in English. At the end of the day, the client surely just wants something suitable in English that will have a similar effect. You can only really do this by looking at the text as a whole. But anything to do with watches is pretty amenable to word plays/variants on common expressions in English. E.g., 'running fashionably on time'; 'step up your watch'; 'because time matters', etc, etc. Matching the voice with the brand is what matters (no use putting something too brash or smart-alecky if the brand is upmarket and understated).
Lara Barnett (asker) Jan 4:
@ all Thank you for your help. I will be removing the link soon.
Lisa Jane Jan 4:
Client's comment I think the client is basically admitting that you must explain (not transcreate) the brand's chosen word play leaving the 2 French words. Otherwise a translation of the rest would not make any sense. I agree with others that you should start with such an explanation and that the whole concept and French text is awful marketing copy!
Bourth Jan 3:
Doe, a deer, a female deer Far, a long, long way to run ... which is what I would do, from the text they want translated. Unless of course you can work The Sound of Music into it instead of Lord of the Rings ;-)
Libby Cohen Jan 3:
Worry? Lara, could you possibly use "worry"? Something about their watches doing the work of keeping time for you so there's one less task you need to worry about?? For some reason, fardeau just seems almost more poetic or less cumbersome in FR than "burden" does in EN (and I can't imagine that someone trying to market fine jewelry would ever want to see the word "burden" anywhere in their description). Good luck cracking this tough/annoying nut!
Emmanuella Jan 3:
En effet, la solution de Marc et Daryo est, apparemment, la seule envisageable.
N.B Citer l'orthographe 'phonétique'
Daryo Jan 3:
That sounds like the least bad option.
Star with "A burden, or "Fardeau" (pronounced Fardo) in French, is [...]" and then simply translate the text as it is.
Marc Desreumaux Jan 3:
I'm with Emmanuella on this. The original text is disgusting, and I don't see anything that would work without transcreation (which you're not asking for). Sticking to a translation I would just start the first sentence with "A burden, or "Fardeau" in French, is [...]"
Emmanuella Jan 3:
Exact ! Le problème c'est qu'ils ont voulu exploiter le filon du Seigneur des Anneaux et ça ne peut pas marcher en français.
Daryo Jan 3:
Looks to me like trying to square a circle. Or IWO it's simply untranslatable - unless you add a footnote/explanation longer than the text itself, which would defeat the purpose of the whole exercise.

It's like trying to translate into French some advert for Karrimore full of wordplay with "carry more" - simply not feasible.

If they want to sell their wares in non-French speaking countries, the smart wordplay "fardo / fardeau" is NEVER going to mean anything to potential buyers, whichever way you twist this ST. They should've thought of it BEFORE choosing the brand name, they've painted themselves in the corner.
Emmanuella Jan 3:
Je vous ai déjà répondu me semble-t-il...La réécriture du texte est impensable.
Lara Barnett (asker) Jan 3:
@ Emmanuella Literal comparison is not relevant here. I am not looking for literal and I am not looking for transcreation either. I am trying to find out whether this is UNtranslatable, and if rewriting the French is the only way forward.
Emmanuella Jan 3:
Tout à fait d'accord. Même 'load' ne rime pas avec 'fardeau'...
Le client a-t-il remarqué que ce texte est bourré de fautes ( orthographe, syntaxe...) ?
Lara Barnett (asker) Jan 3:
Client comment: "The translation doesn't properly try to render or explain the play on words in the source text (fardo - fardeau), so the discussion about burdens is meaningless in the English. I would say a much looser translation is needed. The current translation doesn't work as a marketing passage. ... Kindly amend the document accordingly."

The client does not like my use of "burden" but I cannot find a similar link between the brand/model name and the object of discussion in English - I responded that this is not possible because the entire text is based on the French word connection. Does this sound reasonable.?
Bourth Jan 3:
My guess is that it's a single-hand watch. Manufacturers like Meistersinger and Gustave claim that by having only an hour hand, they take the stress out of people's lives. I haven't found such a watch with anything resembling fardeau, so maybe it's a 2024 model yet to be released. Meistersinger have, however, produced a 'City Edition' series of watches (only 20 of each made each year), including the Portuguese-themed Fado model. Any connection?
Tomasso Jan 3:
song lyrics When making Sp lyrics to Texas songs, word association carries the emotion, not the literalism. Make a list of Eng words ryming with the name brand...Moe, go, though, so slow, flow, REGISTER, who is the market? Degree of sophistication? "for those on the go, get your XXXX and go with the flow. (sounds corny)
Je ne sais, It's not your grandpa's Jet set, Milan, Pairs, Toykyo, simplify modern busy life with XXX. Inject sophistication with Jpaanes driving Rolls Royce.
Possibiltee search under クロノグラフ、時計 cronograph time piece, TAO, MT, trans, note use of high register vocabulary, time piece instead of watch and so on.

Proposed translations

+2
1 day 20 hrs
Selected

Rewrite

I wouldn't get too bogged down in all that 'fardeau' stuff. It's just a 'clever' connection that works in French but not in English. At the end of the day, the client surely just wants something suitable in English that will have a similar effect. You can only really do this by looking at the text as a whole. But anything to do with watches is pretty amenable to word plays/variants on common expressions in English. E.g., 'running fashionably on time'; 'step up your watch'; 'because time matters', etc, etc. Matching the voice with the brand is what matters (no use putting something too brash or smart-alecky if the brand is upmarket and understated).
Peer comment(s):
agree ph-b : Agreed with this when I read it, even before I saw Lara's post in the discussion.
1 hr
agree Michele Fauble
6 hrs
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thank you."
1 hr

fast-forward to Fa-do; (rewind) the Heavy Hand(s) of Fate

No brand-name give-away, but the Rolling Stones' Classic LP track of the Hand of Fate comes to mind.

There are also puns on factotum that original and creative thinkers can explore.

Otherwise, the Portuguese 'Fado' lament has an inbuilt ending of -do.

.. (or should I just tell client it is inappropriate for a translator to re-write marketing copy)...? We can argue about that until the cows come home but, as a general rule of thumb, yes..
Example sentence:

...quelle face donc vais-je lui sculpter ? *fardeau du fado* (nous pleurons). nostalgie à distance. soit. étrange tout de même. que mes lèvres soient salées.

raditional Portuguese songs, also known as Fado, speak of life, struggle and passion. The genre originated in Portugal in the early 1800's ...

Reference:

http://www.proz.com/personal-glossaries/entry/4314660-fardeau-burden-drag

Peer comment(s):
neutral Daryo : I doubt any French brand would want to be associated with Portugal, nor this particular one with fado.
2 hrs
Something went wrong...
+2
2 hrs

For peace of mind on the go, you've got your XX-do / Stay calm on the go, you've got your XX-do.

Just some shots in the dark...
Peer comment(s):
neutral Andrew Bramhall : and sadly they missed their target;
4 hrs
agree Annette Fehr : Sounds very natural.
16 hrs
Thanks, Annette.
agree abe(L)solano
18 hrs
Thanks, abe.
Something went wrong...
3 hrs

load

I find "load" more suitable as it better represents the meaning of the wrist watch on our lives.
Peer comment(s):
neutral Emmanuella : Load , une personne ?
21 mins
neutral Andrew Bramhall : Not exactly correct but still more realistic than AMM's baleful, doleful and wistful lament;
2 hrs
Something went wrong...

Reference comments

4 mins
Reference:

comment

You need to post as much context in French. Please do so.
Note from asker:
See discussion box. I don't want to leave this link up for ever, but hopefully for a short time will help ....!
Peer comments on this reference comment:
agree Carol Gullidge
38 mins
agree Emmanuella
1 hr
disagree Adrian MM. : enough context has been provided and there is a confidentiality issue at stake.
1 hr
agree writeaway
1 hr
Something went wrong...
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