青く ちぎれながら
English translation: blue and howling
| 09:29 Apr 25, 2014 |
| Japanese to English translations [PRO] Art/Literary - Music | |||||
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|  Selected response from: Teddy Okuyama (X) Japan Local time: 22:30 | ||||
Grading comment
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| Summary of answers provided | ||||
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| 3 +2 | (fading) into blue and breaking up |
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| 3 | blue. Being torn apart.... |
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| 3 | blue and howling |
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Answers
2 hrs confidence: 
blue. Being torn apart.... Explanation: I think it might make more sense to separate the line where the space is. 君は風のように青く (you were blue like the wind) ちぎれながらアスファルトに消えた (tearing apart as you disappeared into the asphalt) |
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5 hrs confidence:
blue and howling Explanation: I know it's easier to split the 2 apart, but I think the author intends them to both describe the wind (i.e. 風のように青く、（風のように）ちぎれながら）. Also, the wind tears "something" apart, but it usually doesn't tear itself up. In English, we have a limited number of adjectives to describe the wind, and howling was the only one I could come up with. Like the wind/ blue and howling/ You disappeared into the asphalt It's hard to be interpretive or make the English "natural" in poems because how would we know what the author intends, and what gives us the right to interpret? The best I believe we can do is be as literal as possible, while taking away the pain of the reader to the greatest extent. -------------------------------------------------- Note added at 5 hrs (2014-04-25 15:11:02 GMT) -------------------------------------------------- I just noticed howling is weird because it almost sounds like the person howled, as if he/she were like a wolf....other adjectives could work too, like "drifting" "dancing" "sighing", etc. |
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Grading comment
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7 hrs confidence: peer agreement (net): +2
peer agreement (net): +2(fading) into blue and breaking up Explanation: Without much context, I'm not sure what the author wants to express here. I just feel that "青く ちぎれなから" both describe how 君 himself/herself is disappearing, instead of splitting the two. Don't you think that's more poetic? Like a candle flame fading slowly, bubbles disappear into the whirlpool, or cherry blossoms falling into the wind? |
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